DaY SiX. ThE DaY BEforE…

Ugh. Tomorrow is my birthday. I have not had a conversation with another living-breathing-human-being since Monday. Today is Thursday. On a positive note, I’ve had lots and lots of computer time. Lots of scrolling and liking and reading and writing. I’m not a big fan of FB, total time suck. There are times when I have deleted my profile. Although FB never actually deletes it, they just tuck it away to make you feel better and wave goodbye all the while knowingly nodding to themselves and whispering, “She’ll be back.”

I do not post photos of myself on FB or check-in at the local coffee shop. But sometimes it is the only way to know what those far off people you once knew are up to, and sometimes that feels nice. But, WTF am I going to do on my birthday? Spend another day scrolling and and liking with the occasional heart emoji? J is out to sea somewhere, literally, on a boat, somewhere in the Atlantic. So, I’m on my own. If I do have the urge to delete the FB profile, I’ll be sure to wait a couple of days until after my BDay, ‘cuz you know, the birthday wishes are nice.

What are some of the things that one can do for oneself when it is their birthday and they have no plans?

  1. Sit at the local bar, order fries, drink alone.
  2. Volunteer at the local animal shelter.
  3. Volunteer at the local Big Brothers Big Sisters chapter.

Sometimes knowing the right thing to do does not necessarily mean doing the right thing. There are days when I will eat nothing but pizza and Snyder’s pretzel bits with slices of Vermont extra sharp cheddar cheese. There are nights when I will drink a bottle of wine, sometimes two. You know there might be a problem when you do a load of laundry and it’s all pajamas. So what’s the answer?

It’s like inertia breeds inertia. There are days when I do not leave the house and can’t imagine going out, like, I was just out there, days ago. Why should I be forced to leave now? It looks cold out there. Plus, it’s getting dark.

What’s happening to me? Honestly.

There was a time a couple of years ago when I worked out four or five times per week, including a couple hours each Sunday afternoon dedicated to weight lifting and strength training. To add some extra cardio, I would park a mile-plus from the gym and jog over for a good warm up. That was over two years ago. Now I’m stuck on some deserted planet populated by me and only me, and some flannel pj’s, an internet connection, some notebooks, a Netflix subscription, a stack of books… mostly non-fiction and predominantly memoir. How do I crawl out of this place?

And what about the job search? Inertial has settled here too. There are glorious sounding jobs listed out there on I get the emails. But after a year of writing letters and sending resumes, I’m exhausted of the effort. I contacted a resume writing expert and asked her to review my resume, she said it was already pretty well-done and asked if I had any response. I was honest and said, no, not really.

I know I should go to the local gym and get on a treadmill or a rower, or anything. Just get moving. Sign up for Couch to 5K, or simply pledge to run/walk one mile per day, every day. All I have to do is walk out the back door to accomplish that task. But, no. My feet and hands are cold. Have you seen my scarf? My nose is still stuffed after three weeks and a bottle of Vitamin C and a pile of empty Kleenex boxes. Inertia breeds inertia. It takes a lot to start moving again. Perhaps if I start rocking in place, shift the body weight to and fro and gain some momentum, just enough to swing one foot forward, and then the other.

Happy Birthday to me.

Happy Birthday to me.

Happy Birthday dear Inertia.

Happy Birthday to me.


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