..haha.. That’s kind of funny, right? Like, it’s been less than a day.
Honestly, it all boils down to one goal, really: do not drink alcohol. The remaining goals—eat vegetarian, train for a 5K, paint—are sub-goals, which stem from the initial goal: do not drink. The sub-goals simply serve as a means of distraction for the one main goal.
The sub-goals are a support system. Employ the sub-goals as tools to help you reach the main goal. I drink to kill the time, the boredom, the WAITING. Tired of staring at the same four walls: open a beer. And then a bottle of wine. Or two. The alcohol serves as a distraction. Consuming alcohol passes the time. Food tastes better, movies seem more interesting with a glass of red in tow. But, eventually, one must go to sleep and then wake up the next day and then subsequently feel like shit for drinking the day, week, month, before.
Alcohol also serves other purposes, it quells anxiety and worry, at least temporarily. It can also bring people together, ease social unease and contribute to a celebratory mood. But for me, alcohol also increases my appetite, makes me less apt to exercise, or get out of bed before 10am.
I’ve also noticed on the days that follow drink; anxiety levels are thru the roof, the heart heavy, soul cloudy, all until of course, I take another drink. Then the broiling anxiety seems to level off and dissipate. Temporarily of course.
I know I’m on some sort of inertia treadmill. All I want to do is get off this crazy thing, but currently lack the will-power, energy, hope, to stop the destructive behavior. I thought if I could commit to cooking vegetarian and training for a 5K, the ship would right itself in a new direction, something a little healthier, bringing with it my focus and my leaden heart. Ideally this new outlook would also bring with it new prospects, new ideas, a fresh way to see the world.