there are moments

there are moments when you are overcome with a sadness so complete so all encompassing and unidentifiable and powerful there is nothing that you can do but to sit inside of it and let it wash over you and encompass you and fill every part of you until you can no longer breathe and it flows through your blood stream and out through your finger tips and your hair and your eyes and you wonder why do you feel so completely and utterly sad you have no idea but you can’t help it you fight back against it with everything inside of you that says no no no i don’t want to feel this thing it is too painful it hurts too much and I am tired of fighting but the sadness is stronger than you and it tells you all that you should be afraid of and all that you have done wrong and continue to do wrong and it lists off your failures one by one and tells you that your heart will never find peace and to be very fearful of what is to come next that you will forever be stuck in this darkness and no one can help you not even god because god has left you and your loved ones have left you except god and your loved ones don’t even know they have left you they did not make a decision to leave you they just sort of drifted from you and have not thought about you since because you are no longer important to anyone you are not the one true love to anyone or to anything and you will never be and this is a very good reason to be afraid because soon that dread will be all that you will feel and then you will feel nothing at all and no one will notice that either because you are the only one left and then you go too

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